“I love looking like I just chewed on lemons.”
Because who doesn’t want teeth that double as mood lighting in a horror movie?

“Fake teeth? No thanks, I prefer my authentic coffee stains.”
Those caramel-colored molars are practically a personality trait at this point.

“Too expensive.”
Sure, you’ll drop $7 every morning at Starbucks, but investing in a smile you’ll use literally every day of your life? Outrageous.

“I’m terrified of the dentist.”
The guy who makes your smile prettier and saves you from dentures later in life? Truly terrifying. Freddy Krueger has nothing on fluoride.

“I don’t have time.”
You binge-watched all eight seasons of Game of Thrones in one weekend, but sitting in a chair for an hour is just impossible.

“What if my teeth look too perfect?”
Yes, heaven forbid people mistake you for a movie star. Terrible problem to have.

“I’m fine with my smile the way it is.”
Translation: “I’m completely okay with avoiding mirrors and deleting 47 selfies before finding one where my teeth aren’t showing.”

“I heard whitening makes your teeth sensitive.”
Right, better to keep them dingy and invincible, like tiny medieval shields.

“It won’t last forever.”
Neither will that gym membership you quit after two weeks, but hey, at least your abs never made a first impression.

“I don’t want to look vain.”
Yeah, because wanting to feel confident and actually smile in photos is just so self-absorbed.